Full Moon Musings and the Word "Why"

There was never a frustrated, sad moment of my life where I don't remember sitting down to write as a release. This moment is no different. At this moment, the moon is full and so is the Universe, with the moon's energy. I can feel it. A little too deeply in fact.

I read something tonight that made me think. "We can see the shadow and also hold space for the light. Today we celebrate the creative power of the Thunder Moon. In ancient mythology, Zeus—the king of the gods—was created with thunderbolts. Like Zeus, this is a powerful opportunity to create something incredible with your life—may it be manifesting your dream career, travel, love, family or spiritual awakening. This moon signifies letting go of anything that no longer serves you and creating the life that you want to not only live, but love. Tap into your most creative self, and let the lunar magic fill you."

Let go of anything that no longer serves you. The other night at a small ski area in Tahoe, I sat up at a lodge with some beautiful women and wrote a few things down on a piece of paper. Then I released it. Set it on fire until it burned to bits and then stomped on the ashes. Flame gone. Put out the fire. Have you ever had a release ceremony? Released these things that have plagued me and kept me awake at night into the Universe...and then howled at the moon. For real. Yeah, I know...it's weird. But, it's also freeing.

Slower summer days mean I have more time to think about the "why" behind, well, almost everything.  While in Tahoe, some friends and I were talking about that word, "why"...is "why" actually a good question to ask, after all? Think about it. I did. Every time I've asked "why?" when it comes to a situation I can't control, it has given me an answer that I don't quite understand. Which leaves me unfulfilled and wanting more. Is it because the word is infused with some element of negativity that causes its recipient to answer defensively? I went back into the archives of my brain and thought more deeply about this. What did I realize, and learn through discussion with friends?

When you ask the question, "why?" - as in "Why did you treat me like that?" or "Why did you do that?" - you're expecting the human being on the other end to be in a place where they are true to themselves. That's a lofty expectation, isn't it? Hmmm. Intriguing. I've never thought about it that way. Our expectations are that the recipient of "why?" is actually an enlightened human. That's a lot to take in, huh? You still with me?

-Pause for coffee break. See you shortly. Maybe grab a special gummy while you're at it. Ready?-

Okay, we're back. What if, instead, we were to shift the conversation to a more simple approach and ask "how" and "what" questions? Do you think we'd encounter a difference? We live in a world where humans are not true to themselves, so how can we expect them to be true to others? A friend wrote an insightful post tonight,

"I don't know how to live in a world that is not honest. Where people don't love each other for who they are. Where it's more important to be popular rather than good. Where hate seems to be the norm. I never thought I would say this but I'm so sad at the state of our humanity..." and then she included a quote from Buddhist Pema Chodron,

“If there’s any possibility for enlightenment, it’s right now, not at some future time. Now is the time. What does it take to use the life we already have to make us wiser than more stuck? What is the source of wisdom at a personal, individual level?”

So the question is not "Why are you stuck?" and "Why can't you move forward towards enlightenment?" Rather, it's "How will you move forward?" or "What's holding you back from moving forward?" Ask yourself the question today. What's holding you back from enlightenment? What's keeping you from being human and authentic and caring and kind? What scares you? Not "Why does it scare you?" but rather, "How do I feel about this and what is the root of the fear?" Feels a little different, right? If you are surrounding yourself with humans that encourage you to be stagnant, what does that say about you? And them? Truth is at the center of it all.

Those aren't your people. Forget them. Love them and encourage them, but don't for a second believe they can serve you. Remember what your brother Jack Kerouac said from On the Road?!

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!””

FUCK YES. THAT IS IT, JACK! NAILED IT.

Find the humans who inspire you. The ones who may not be fully enlightened, but encourage you to be your best self. The ones that yawn...well, #WWJD (what would Jack do??)? I'm afraid to release, but it's closing time and after all, "Open all the doors and let you out into the world...You don't have to go home but you can't stay here...Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." Thanks for that, Semisonics.

I don't care about your big house. Or your expensive car. I care about your soul. What your eyes have seen and how they've seen it. The steps your feet have taken. Your heart. The joy and pain you've felt. All of the pretty and ugly things that make you HUMAN.

Shangri la la la la laaaaaa and happy full moon...

Moondust

P.S. And no, I am not currently eating special gummies and I'd encourage you not to as well. Come on, people! Smile at a stranger and get high on life.

Steamy Nights in the Bed of Wayne

Last week I skipped out of Park City for a couple of days to travel to the middle of Utah for a little solitude. My destination was an unlikely one for the time of year: Mystic Hot Springs in Monroe Utah. It was 100 degrees. Hot springs with no cold plunge. I called a converted school bus named the "Ripple Bus" my home for two days. It had no fan. Sweat it out. Detox. All of that good stuff. Mostly, I was looking to spend time with myself. There is a difference between being lonely and being alone. I chose to be alone. Not always an easy choice for an extrovert, but I've learned to appreciate time solo.

The purpose of my journey was to write. I had a goal of writing the prologue and first chapter of my memoir. After all, the topic of solitude is as good of a place as any to begin, right? Clean slate, fresh start.

Two years ago, almost to the day, I moved to Utah. Last year, almost to the day, I returned from a solo journey to India and moved to Park City. As the memories swirl through my mind, I realize that I've experienced a lot. The memories remind me of where I've been and how far I've come, and all that I needed to experience in order to get here where I am today. To feel this. To have achieved what I've achieved. It all seems like worlds away, but it's all been meaningful and purposeful. And, it's been an oddly fascinating journey. I've been the happiest I've ever been, and the saddest I've ever been. I've felt it all. Sometimes, I wish I didn't do that. Sometimes, I wish my mind was more simple. Life would be easier.

It turns out, the 107 degree heat in the Ripple Bus was too hot for both me and my computer - we both overheated. Even so, I was able to assemble some thoughts that could be woven into the start of something. I'd love to share them with you, but I'm going to hold on that for now, until it's more solid. I will share some thoughts from the middle of Utah in a Ripple Bus...

I had drifted off to sleep in the bed of "Wayne" and awoke in a pool of sweat, half-naked in 107 degree temps. FUCK. Unfortunately, it's not as exciting as it may sound. I'm alone, in the back of a decrepit school bus called the "Ripple Bus" - but whose name is really "Wayne" - in a hippie hot springs village in the middle of Utah. I traveled here alone. I had to get away and find solitude in order to focus my thoughts and channel my creativity. "No drugs. No alcohol." the sign leading up to the two pools and seven tubs read. That didn't make sense to me. I was surrounded by absurdities and I loved it. A slew of worn-down pioneer cabins in a field to my right. To my left, a line of school buses - some converted into lodging, some playing home to heaping piles of junk. Up by the main office, an old pink school bus with the words "Le Boustique" in swoopy cursive letters on the top, and an empty pool with a slide and what looked like a sheep-herding wagon fixed to my left...it was all perplexing. On the way to the office, a crystal wand with feathers, a sloth and a monkey adorned the tree next to a bus that said, "I have a dream!" written in white paint on the windows. I wasn't in Park City anymore. Thank God. I had to escape. Park City is the place I squat in the summers, in between travels. It offers up the most superb views, but like a postcard - it can be pretty one-dimensional at times. If you want change, make change. So here I am...to start something I've only dreamed of, conceived of, whatever. Pen on paper, here we go. My story is a story of love, magic, heartbreak, bliss, exploration, new beginnings, misadventures, lessons learned, possibility, frustration, hope, authenticity, poopy pants and beyond. Today I'm 33 - the age of Jesus - and for the first time I feel my age. Maybe that's why I've finally sat down to write and share my story. Or maybe that was the CO gummy worm. Or delirium due to extreme heat. Either way, here I am Let's do this.

And so the journey begins...

Your Three Truths

Most days when I landscape, I listen to podcasts. These moments are some of the best moments for me, where I can shut off my brain from the day to day craziness and focus in on learning something new, completely outside of myself. One of podcasts is called The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. At the end of each podcast, he asks every guest a few questions. Things like, "What are you most grateful for in your life recently?" and "What are your three truths?" This part of the podcast is fascinating to me. I am so intrigued by how different guests answer it. Intrigued by how different we are as humans, yet how eerily connected we are as well. So this morning, I thought I'd take some time to share my answers with you, and give you the opportunity to share your answers, or at least think about what they might be.

What are you most grateful for in your life recently?
The opportunity to find time for myself and turn my focus inward. To move my body, soak in the sunshine, write, play, laugh, travel...and sleep - definitely thankful for sleep.

It's many years from now, and everything you've ever created has been erased from time - all of the books you've written, relationships you've made, businesses you've started. It's your last day. Many, many years from now. And your great granddaughter gives you a piece of paper and a pen and says, 'Can you write down your three truths? The three things that you know to be true from everything you've learned from your life that you want the rest of us to know...what would those be?'

1) People are inherently good.
2) A simple smile and moment of connection can make a big difference in someone's life. Be authentic and share that with others.
3) Truth starts within you. You can not be true with others if you're not true with yourself.

It's kind of simple. But isn't that the way it ought to be? I've said it before, but now I'm actually making it happen...starting to write a chapter for the book and planning to send it off to a prospective publisher.

But for now...time to go outside.

Happy weekend!

Morning Reflections: Warrior of the Light

This is a short one today, but I wanted to share a bit about the morning routine I've adopted over the last couple of months. These rituals have become an important part of finding balance and starting the day off with positivity and purpose. My relationship with routine is an odd and surprising one...a few years ago I would have cringed at the thought. Now, with the chaos and constant movement, I appreciate it. These practices are simple, but I've found if I spend 30 minutes each day, there's a profound difference in the way my day unfolds. Here goes...

1) Wake up, stretch with arms up in the air and a smile on my face (this might be one of the favorite parts of my day, especially on a day that I'm really sore from a workout)

2) Take my vitamins with a glass of water...Magnesium and Vitamin B.

3) My writing exercise. From Tim Ferriss, I learned a writing exercise called "The 5-Minute Journal". It's simple and it's effective in calming my mind and finding my focus for the day. Every morning and every night, I allow myself some time for dreaming and reflection. It plays out like this...in the AM: 3 things I'm grateful for, 3 things that would make today amazing, 1 daily affirmation / in the PM: 3 things that made today amazing, 1 thing that would have made today better. Through the practice, I've learned to be grateful for the small things, set my simple intentions, and focus on what matters. Also, I've decided to scrap the part about 1 thing that would have made today better part, as part of an effort to be gentle with myself and focus on the things I can control. This exercise has ultimately helped me to quiet the voices in my head. 

4) Either some music accompanied by kitchen dancing in my PJs or a focused podcast. Today it was Lewis Howes' The School of Greatness with Elizabeth Gilbert. Another favorite is the Tim Ferriss Show. It's great. I've learned something new from people I admire. Today, specifically, I learned from Elizabeth Gilbert that the most gracious gift you can give someone is to let them see your vulnerability.

5) Espresso. Just a double shot in the morning. I've scrapped the afternoon espresso. As a result, I'm sleeping better.

6) Sometimes, I read a couple of pages of a book as well. Today, it's from the Warrior of the Light, by Paulo Coelho. It's been harder for me to get into it than The Alchemist, but it has provided me with some solid foundational principles that have grounded me. Today, I gift you one of these principles, on the topic of love and relationship.

“A Warrior of the Light needs love.
Love and affection are as much a part of his nature as eating, drinking, and a taste for a Good Fight. When the Warrior watches a sunset and feels no joy, then something is wrong.
At this point, he stops fighting and goes in search of company, so that they can watch the sunset together.
If he has difficulty in finding company, he asks himself: ‘Was I too afraid to approach someone? Did I receive affection and not even notice?’
A Warrior of the Light makes use of solitude, but is not used by it.”

— Paulo Coelho, Warrior of the Light

Lots of good stuff has come as a result of this morning, and evening, routine. Shout if you have questions about specific reads or podcasts that have had an impact on me, and please share yours here as well.

Much love.