Attitude of Gratitude

Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solititude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.―Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum LP

I sit here on this Sunday night, choosing to write rather than ride my bike. I'm thankful I have that option. I'm especially thankful as I sit out here on my deck in Park City, enjoying the cool mountain air at dusk and the mountain view. Boy, do we have it made. The moment I think things are rough in my life, I'm knocked on my ass and reminded how much of a fool I am for even letting that thought creep into my mind. Life is plentiful. Life is good. And I'm even thankful for the hard stuff.

These non-travel weekends in Park City are full of nature, relaxation, reflection, and some good people time too. On Sunday evenings I sit here thinking how I'm full of gratitude. For it all. Now don't get me wrong, if you know my story at all, you're fully aware that there have been more than a few rough moments in my life...but the thing is, I can see the bigger picture. And the bigger picture is beautiful. You know what it shows me? It always shows me that I am a more whole version of myself when I look at these moments as a learning experience and approach each one with an attitude of gratitude. Initially it's not always easy, and I am far from perfect, but I've learned that every time I attempt to show love in a situation rather than frustration, anger and negativity, it always works out. In fact, it always works out either way...just the way it's supposed to work out. I think that's pretty rad.

Here's an example for you...this is an untold India story I've been anxious to tell, so I'm stoked I'm able to share it with you, and that you're here to listen. A few years ago I stumbled upon an incredible company with a beautiful concept: handmade textiles incorporated into high-quality, laptop compatible bags, with a social mission to keep culture alive, one bag at a time. It was called Ethnotek, and they were a super-small two person shop out of Minneapolis and Vietnam. You can read more of my story with Ethnotek here, but basically it was a passionate love affair that eventually led me into co-ownership and out of the confines of a cubicle in spring of 2014. It was a dream-turned-reality. My goal was to build the community, or "Tribe" as we called it, and this mission took me a few times to Salt Lake to Outdoor Retailer, building relationships with influential and inspirational people around the world who were ambassadors. It was all about authentic connection making and storytelling, and I adored it.

In the beginning of my relationship with Ethnotek, I had the pleasure of meeting Arushi from India: a whip-smart and insanely creative product designer from Mumbai who had met Ethnotek Founder Jake through a master class of hers and had volunteered to visit Ethnotek's Indian Master Weaver, Vankar Shamji. I still remember that initial Skype call with Aru, who is now a great friend of mine. The passion emanated from Arushi's pours. She was inspired by this initial journey to Bhuj in Gujarat, India and claims learning from Shamji's wisdom as one of her life-defining moments. On that call, Arushi told me that she learned more than she could ever imagine and left with a shifted perspective. Going to the village, she told me, she felt a bit of pity for the villagers...almost feeling as if they were "stuck" there. But she left enlightened. What she learned was a different way of life with a beautiful sense of worth and a passion for sustaining traditional handcraft, and thus sustaining their culture. She learned that children left the village to seek education, and then returned to weave. She learned that men and women have very distinct roles in the village, and there are no power struggles like those that exist in our shared western culture. What stuck with me most during the conversation was that the weaving process started and ended with the women. Beautiful concept.

My work with Ethnotek continued and my network of influential, inspirational people continued to grow. I worked with—and learned from—members of the U.S. Ski Team (Steven Nyman and Travis Ganong), crazy back country cliff-huckers (Julian Carr), healers through music (Nahko and Dustin Thomas), awesome people doing awesome shit in this world (Brian Friedman and Matt Hundhammer with Soul Poles, James and the dudes at Goal Zero, Ty and Greg from Kammok, Kyle from Indosole, and so so so many more awesome, socially-minded business owners) and more. Through it all, I fell in love with Utah and its outdoor culture. And then last summer, just as I was going through another massive life transition, the Universe dealt me a bit more and I was pushed out of Ethnotek. I felt empty. But that Universe...she has a way of giving you no more or less than you can handle. I knew that. But it was still hard. In fact, it fucking sucked. Everything inside me wanted to spew hate. But I couldn't. You see, I don't wear hate well. It's awkward on me. I'm a lover. So I tried to love. Of course, I fell short at times. But it was because of Ethnotek that I packed my life up and moved to Utah. I am thankful for that. And move I did. With nothing to my name, except for a big smile, my blanky from Grandma and some meaningless material possessions. And a hell of a lot of backpacks. Time, and time with nature as my playground in the big and beautiful Wasatch mountains healed my soul. Friends whom I had met through Ethnotek healed my soul. And, in the end I ended up getting a gig with the U.S. Ski Team...through connections I had made when I worked with Ethnotek. Today, I hang out with a lot of the incredible people I met while I worked with Ethnotek. And when I took my maiden voyage to India in June, everything came full circle and I met both Arushi—a virtual friend for three years now—and Master Weaver Vankar Shamji, whose story united us in the first place. This Universe. Seriously.  Nearly speechless in regards to its bounty. And seriously thankful.

This image captures a moment that I will never forget. Traveling to Bhuj together, Arushi and I traveled to Shamji's home and witnessed his craft in action. I learned that 22 of his 60 looms are kept busy by Ethnotek. Wow. Nothing but good vibes there. Proof of concept galore. And when we were about to leave, we asked if we could get a picture with Shamji and his father and uncle. I sat down next to Shamji's father, and he started to pray. He and uncle said a prayer throughout the process of picture-taking and I sat there with tears of gratitude welling up in my eyes and a warmth in my heart that was unlike anything I've ever experienced. It took everything in my soul to not turn to my left and give his father—and Shamji as well—the most massive bear hug I could ever give, but in their culture this action would have been seriously frowned upon, so instead I turned with tears in my eyes and said, "Namaste" as I bowed my head. And we left, imprinted by his prayer forever. Blessed by his blessing.

This moment wouldn't have been possible without Ethnotek, and with Ethnotek came both pain and joy. This week I received the most lovely note from Jake, friend and Ethnotek Founder, and now 12 months after I've left the company, I am full of gratitude for everything I've experienced related to Ethnotek and as a result of Ethnotek.

Hey Jake—and Ethnotek—NAMASTE.

Choose an attitude of gratitude. It always wins.

Weekend Vibes: Inspiration and Energy

This is the first weekend I've really felt like I've had time to sit back and relax in a long, long time. In fact, I don't remember the last time I had a full weekend at home where I didn't have any big plans. It's probably been over a year.

People often tell me they can't keep track of me...and then proceed to ask me if I ever sit still. To be quite honest, the answer is no, not really. I love movement. Intentional movement. I'm a big backer of setting intentions and making them a reality. This usually means I either jump in a car or on a plane and head out on journeys to explore all corners of this universe. So yeah, I have a hard time sitting still. Since late May, I've been to the desert, India for a month, and have done weekend road trips to California, Oregon and Montana...which basically means I've been home one or two weekends over the last few months - one of which was a wedding weekend. The next question people usually ask me is where I find the energy to continue moving. Since I get this a lot, I thought I'd spend a bit of time writing on the topics of inspiration and energy...two traits that fuel my exploration.

I find inspiration in more places than the average human. Always open, ever-curious, I find inspiration in things like the way a bee lands on a flower or the manner in which a couple's hands collide into one while walking down the sidewalk on a date. And, in a major way, I find inspiration through the stories of others. Today was no different. Wondering what a "slow" Sunday at home looks like for me? Here goes...

6am: Wake up to the sweet sounds of Lady Gaga singing "Gypsy"...a song with which my gypsy soul quite often arises. Can't get out of bed. Hang out for a bit under my vintage sari blanket and then stretch an epic stretch. My favorite.

6:45am: Jump into Aspen (my Subie) to head to breakfast with Kaylin at "No Worries Cafe" and realize I'm out of gas. Typical (not the waking up for 7am breakfast on a Sunday part, but rather the not having gas in my car part).

7:05am: Arrive at cafe. Order espresso STAT.

7:15-8am: Visit with an incredible woman and one of my dearest friends since I moved to Utah, Kaylin Richardson. I admire her immensely, and am insanely inspired by her brilliance, intellect, wit, athleticism and those beautiful lines she shreds in the backcountry. I had the honor of sitting down with Kaylin back in May for her Warren Miller's Peak3 Radio "One Word" Podcast before I went to India, and hadn't caught up with her since I had returned. Needless to say, it was a great way to start the day. Open heart, open mind...resulted in more energy than I could have gotten from a double espresso shot.

8am: Tour of Kaylin's new pad. Awesome.

8:15am: Drive Kaylin to airport. Give her a big ol' hug and send her off with smiles.

8:30am: Dirty Chai at my favorite coffee shop in the SLC, Higher Ground Coffee, then back to Park City.

10am: Chat with my great friend Barbara, from Prague, via Skype. Oh how I love technology. More inspiration and some comforting words from a friend, much-needed for my soul.

11am: Start watching McConkey while getting some work done. I'm not sure why I hadn't watched the film before, as I have heard a ton about McConkey's legacy, and had the pleasure of meeting Sherry at the Mammoth Invitational this spring through friend and U.S. Ski Team athlete Stacey Cook. Talk about inspiring. I adored the film, and the tales of McConkey's humor and antics as a rogue pioneer in the ski industry, pushing the boundaries and progression of the sports he loved. I laughed, I shed more than a few tears, and my heart was full throughout the film...full of gratitude that I live in this mountain community and work in the ski industry, surrounded by others who are passionate about our playground in nature. And, Sherry McConkey...what a complete badass you are...I had no idea you had base jumped! Can't wait to see you at Mammoth next spring again. You are inspiration bottled up into a beautiful, blonde-haired, bombshell, badass package. Wow.

1pm: More work. Watermelon for a snack. Look up airline tickets for a potential trip to Keene, VA to hang with my mentor and friend - the ultimate inspiration - Beatrix Ost.

2:30pm: My favorite time of the week: candlelight bath time (since I was a child, I've loved taking baths...water baby!), lavender bath salts and a literary gift from my sweet friend Claire, "The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself". I'm constantly learning, and this experience was no exception. I have a horrible tendency to start books and never get beyond the first 20 pages (if I'm lucky). This book was another victim to my book A.D.D., until I turned the page to the next chapter, entitled "Infinite Energy." People always ask me where I derive my energy from. No, people - I don't do drugs. I've never done cocaine. I'd be afraid to see what happened if I did...and you should be afraid too. Oftentimes, I run off of adrenaline and the energy gifted to me by those around me. Even so, it's crazy how much energy I have after an extreme lack of sleep, deep in the winter months when I'm immersed in the chaos of the White Circus. My colleague/friend once told me I was the most crazy and authentic individual he's ever met...I told him that was the best compliment I've ever received.

Even still, it has not always been this way. In past relationships and jobs I've become completely drained of energy. Reading the words in this book opened my mind as to the reason why. The premise is that energy doesn't just come from sleep or food, but from within:

This energy is always available to you. At any moment you can draw upon it. It just wells up and fills you from inside. When you're filled with this energy, you feel like you could take on the world. When it is flowing strongly, you can actually feel it coursing through you in waves. It gushes up spontaneously from deep inside and restores, replenishes, and recharges you. The only reason you don't feel this energy all the time is because you block it. You block it by closing your heart, by closing your mind, and by pulling yourself into a restrictive space inside. This closes you off from the darkness within you. There is no light. There is no energy. There is nothing flowing. The energy is still there but it can't get in...

Let's say that you love somebody. and you feel very open in their presence. Because you trust them, your walls come down allowing you to feel lots of high energy. But if they do something you don't like, the next time you see them you don't feel so high. You don't feel as much love. Instead, you feel tightness in your chest. This happens because you closed your heart. The heart is an energy center, and it can open or close. When you are open, you feel it. When you are closed, you don't. This flow of energy comes from the depth of your being. It's been called by many names. In ancient Chinese medicine, it is called Chi. In yoga, it is called Shakti. In the West, it is called Spirit.

Spirit. Yep, I've been told I have that. But in any case, this all completely makes sense. My biggest strength and weakness has always been that I can feel energy in a big way from those around me. I feel everything. When it's good, it's usually great. When it's bad, it can be awful. Extremely draining. Moral of the story: decide to be open. Nothing, ever, is worth closing your heart over. Energy can heal. Love can heal. Relax, and release. Onward and upward...

3:15pm: Time to escape reality, aka naptime. Unicorns have to take naps sometimes too. I dream of magic and visits to faraway sparkle countries, and skiing the most beautiful corduroy on a crisp mountain morning.

5:15pm: Wake up, read a bit more. Yoga outside on the deck.

7pm: Epic solo sunset mountain biking session to Round Valley. This is my fourth ride of the week, and after Friday's Armstrong ladies' ride with loads of tips and tricks, it is starting to feel more natural. It is so much fun to get out there and feel the wind in my face and the ground passing by quickly beneath my tires. The sunset tonight was unreal, too...vibrant hues of cotton-candy-purple-and-pink...the sky was almost glittering. Happiness. Clear mind. Open heart. Love.

9pm: Make dinner, grill master-style. 14 oz. New York Strip and corn-on-the-cob.

9:30pm: More work. Some more writing. Another shower. Laundry.

12:57am: Right now. This very moment. It's time to get some rest.

How's that for a restful Sunday?! Okay, well, in any case it's my version of rest. Time in nature, connection with inspirational souls, learning and loving...it all gives me the energy that I need to move forward with intention and a smile on my face. Thankful.

What gives you energy? Where do you find inspiration?

What is magic? What is art?

My dear friend Beatrix Ost knows both art and magic all too well.

As I sit here on this sunny Saturday morning in Park City, imbibing Stumptown Hair Bender espresso out of my Portland Doug Fir mug, I'm planning my annual trip to NYC and another potential maiden voyage...this time to the south to visit friend/mentor, style icon and mistress of magic Beatrix Ost at her farm (aka "Estouteville" estate) in Keene, VA. Feel very blessed to know and learn from Beatrix...she may be the most fascinating human being I know—and that's saying a lot. Look her up.

Here's a little excerpt from a piece about the farm, and a couple of links to articles about their humble abodes. Her NYC spot has become my safe haven when traveling to the Big Apple:

'Where does style live?

Is it found in a teacup, a pair of boots, the lift of a chin in a photo? Is art embodied in a perfect square made of daffodils, or a painting hung on the ceiling? Can a way of life, or a network of people, be designed, just like a skirt or a chair?

Here’s one answer, larger than life. It dwells at the end of a driveway in Keene, where the name of the estate is hand-lettered on a simple wooden sign. “Estouteville.” Follow the long drive up the hill, and it’s just like approaching many of Albemarle’s big historic farms—curving road through verdant landscape—until oddities begin to present themselves. A patch of spring flowers in the grass, shaped like an arrow. A red, spiderlike form suspended over the drive. A standing dead tree painted pink.

Germans by birth (they moved to the U.S. in 1975), they’ve made Albemarle one of their primary homes for the last 33 years. The location called to them in 1982, when Ost swung a pendulum over a map of the East Coast. It pointed to Estouteville, which happens to be a grand enough place to match the couple’s aesthetic and social ambitions.

Asked why they have stayed so long, their answers amount to the same reasons cited by many people here: the beauty of the countryside combined with the cultural offerings of Charlottesville. And, of course, Estouteville is no slouch of a dwelling. “The house is like an Italian villa,” says Ost. “We fell in love with it and never out of it.”'

Tour the NYC Pad
Tour the Estouteville Pad

Can't wait to reconnect with Beatrix. Her storytelling is magic. She is magic. Her style is art. She is art.

Let Go.

From time to time, I like to borrow words and share them. Especially from my favorite sources, like Elephant Journal. This is definitely one of those times. Thank you, Waylon Lewis, for creating a medium that resonates so deeply with my soul. I could have written these words:

"People miss this part: they miss the thing they’re really wanting. The monkey might want the banana because he’s hungry or because he’s bored. The banana is just a symbol for what he really wants. Food or a toy to play with.

If I wanted a relationship, I found ways to be in an intimate relationship with everyone I knew. I became radically honest and crazy authentic. If I wanted kids, I’d go teach someone else’s kids if I didn’t already have them. If I wanted a better house, I’d say everyday how grateful I am for the one I’ve already got.

I’m not confused about what I want. What I want is to quench my thirst for life. Not having the glass I want to drink it out of isn’t going to stop me from cupping my hands and drinking it from a raging river.

A friend once stuck out her open hand in a cupped position and said, “If I poured water into my hand, how would I keep it?” I stared. She replied, “If I closed my hand to keep the water, it would all slip through my finger tips. The only way I can keep it, is by keeping it open.”

I remained open to how things would come and how things would go. This way of being has led me to places I’d never dare to dream of, inside of myself and inside of my life.

Let go of your bananas.

Stay open.

Drink whatever water tastes good no matter what container it comes in.

It all comes.

This, I promise."

 Read more of "Let Go of What You Want"