Here we are. Here + now. That's all there is.

For the first time ever, I think, I feel good right where I am. I have a sneaky suspicion I've written that before, but this time I mean it. REALLY, I do. Working with both the men and women's teams, I often feel torn between two locations and two groups, yearning to experience everything...usually making it difficult to experience anything fully at all. Stuck between two worlds without the ability to live or immerse myself into the moment. Slowly, but surely, I'm learning the arts of patience and being present. It's not easy for me. But I'm trying. And that's really all we can do, right? The best we can do.

There's something about New Zealand that's...different for me. Everywhere I look, I'm in awe. The landscape is unlike anything I've ever seen before. Canterbury Plains reminds me of my Wisconsin home - vibrant green, rolling hills and a lot of dairy farms. The first three bus drivers I had on this trip each became my buddy and all spoke of the "sophisticated irrigation systems derived from the United States" among other fascinating (or so they thought) farming tidbits. Other fun facts they taught me: New Zealand's population of humans is 4 million versus their population of 35 million sheep. Don't for a moment think you'll find Merino wool cheaper here. That shit's expensive. There's an absolutely DIVINE black merino wool jacket in Tarras that is flirting with me hard. It's 575 NZ dollars, so I'm playing hard to get like never before.

I've often stumbled upon places that have inspired me, but then there are the few magic places that touch my soul and affect me in a deeper, more meaningful way. Valencia, Spain. Lahinch, Ireland. Cuzco, Peru. Cesky Krumlov, Czech Republic. Gryon, Switzerland. And now, New Zealand. The spots that cause your soul to stir and make you think twice about how you fit into this world. The ones that you walk away from, changed...wondering when you'll go back. Or even move there.

Honestly, I might move here. I'm not kidding. 

Life is simple here. Wifi is hard to come by. I like it. Let me be clear: it makes getting anything done near-impossible and more than slightly frustrating, but at the same time it's a gentle reminder to appreciate the moment and the magic surrounding you. Here we are. Here + now. That’s all there is. Patience is a virtue.

In one day of driving around the South Island you go from green rolling hills and farmland to a scene from The Chronicles of Narnia where everything is covered in white and ice crystals, sparkling in the sunshine and beyond to the coast, where the foliage is entirely different and sometimes absurd to my eye. Of course, I ought to mention some sort of Lord of the Rings reference here, though I never actually saw any of the films, so I am not sure I’d do it justice. Let me just say that, in this land, you kind of feel like you’re endlessly looking for the Ring. Whatever that even means.

Oh the places you’ll go…

Hanmer Springs, north of Christchurch. Go there. It’s worth it. A small village with hot springs that’ll lift your spirits. Arrowtown and I fell fast and hard in love…yeah, I could move to that spot and start a little bed and breakfast/café/hostel in a heartbeat. Queenstown is rad too, but Arrowtown – DAYUM! Your sleepy little disposition…your cafes, wine bars, The Blue Door. Yep. I like you. The little fishing village of Moeraki introduced a character named “Fleur” of the famous “Fleur’s Place” and I: she shared her wisdom with me along with some Maori phrases. "KIA KAHA," she told me. Keep the strength. “It’s hard to do what you want in life. Our society doesn’t support it and make it easy. So I encourage you to fill your life with people that inspire you. Don’t let them take your soul.” As she told me these things, her eyes filled with tears that clung on to the edge of her eyelids, never spilling over. A storied soul hers was. The sweet sounds of waves crashing against rock at Tunnel Beach and the two German boys in their van with their surfboards strapped to the top and boardshorts drying out the window. Cromwell and all of its sweet fruit...behold Mt. Difficulty Winery and "Roaring Meg" pinot noir. Could this place be any more forward about how we're meant for each other? Ohau's sparkle. Ohau I love everything about that place. A liftie named "SHINE" who reminded each and every one of us that we're all brothers and sisters. "Blissed and blessed," he'd say as he calmly welcomed us onto the chairlift like each lift ride was a spiritual journey to Shangri La with Shine as our travel guide. "Moondust" he said in fascination when he asked me "What do you like to be called?" Now, Tekapo, where the lake is turquoise and I hope the hot springs heal me. Every spot tells a story and I don't want the story to end.

The few, the proud...the watering crew at Ohau...Graham, me, JJ and PK (Sasha took the photo and Alberto had already skedaddled). Craig groomed the surface and made the magic happen!

Moeraki Boulders, me and the sea... (PC: the lovely Giulia)

Fleur, sitting in her lovely Place, writing a message about strength to me in her book/Moeraki village.

I found a pinot noir called "Roaring Meg"...it was love at first sight. And obviously made a trip to Mt. Difficulty winery to check out the origin of this unruly noir. (PC: Resi, my forever adventure buddy)

A stroll through Hooker Valley to check out Aorki/Mt. Cook. "Aoraki" means "cloud piercer" in Maori. (PC: My favorite Austrian, Martina)

Sir Edmond Hillary prepared to summit Mt. Everest on the peak in front of me in this picture, underneath the sun's rays (Aoraki/Mount Cook). (PC: Ehole)

Shine on me, shine through me. (PC: Martina)

OHAU I LOVE TO SKI!

A quick stop in Wanaka for a ginger tea and the view. (PC: Resi)

For a moment, I need to tell you about the people here. I feel compelled to share that if I could concoct a place that's the polar opposite of India it would be New Zealand. When I was waiting for my bus at the bus station, I left my bags sitting outside to go get a coffee and I didn't even worry about it. New Zealand is untouched. Authentic. Raw. Safe. If there's one place to hitchhike, it's here. I haven't done it yet, but I plan to before I leave. Everyone is so nice.

As we're getting chai in Tarras, a well-dressed, sophisticated elderly couple was staring at my Teeki moon cycle leggings...normally I'd think they were judging me, but no...they caught me catching them looking at me and they said, "Is that your skin or the fabric? Those leggings are very cool...they suit you." Seriously, New Zealand?! Your people are like Iceland meets England...your style classic and practical. Merino wool, cozy sweaters, leggings, legwarmers...simple colorblocking timeless beauty. And your babies...your babies are so rad. All the children are so behaved and so well-dressed. I've made friends with the kids everywhere I've gone. Classic...put me at the kid's table!

Though I've seen and experienced a lot, and love this country, a bug acquired in Ohau that was traveling around the lodge has slowed me down the last several days. Undoubtedly it has to do with the 11-hour on-hill watering day at Ohau (left at 6am and arrived back in Arrowtown at midnight), but I don't mind...it was well worth it and the surface was supreme for the athletes. It also gave me even more of an incredible appreciation for the work the coaches do and the labor of love they deliver daily. It's hard for me to be sick, though. I'm not used to it and I'm incredibly stubborn and impatient. It started with a migraine that turned into a sore throat and cough. I haven't been on the mountain in four days and I'm getting antsy. Yet another reminder to move slowly. I feel like I'm constantly learning. I've been meditating consistently for the last two months now (Headspace App - I highly recommend it) and it's made a considerable difference in my life. Ironically, right now I'm going through the Patience series. Fitting.

It's easy for my mind to wander to people, places and experiences, but I'm learning to accept my wandering mind and spirit and be where I am. I read this somewhere, and it resonated with me:

“You will never be completely at home again. Because part of your heart will always be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place.”

I don't know who said it, but I might as well have. Everywhere I look I see spectacular spectacles I want to share with certain souls in my life. The near-full moon rising over Lake Tekapo as I soak in the hot pools. The sparkle of the ice crystals near a little abandoned hut in Hooker Valley. The feeling of the sunshine on my face as I hike up to the ridgeline at Ohau for the view and the turns. The warmth that envelops you when you walk through The Blue Door. The stars...there are SO many and they are so bright. There are only a few that can appreciate this beauty as much as I do, but I am the only one that will appreciate this beauty like I do. So, I'm learning to quiet my mind, find simplicity and appreciate the sights for myself first, as they are gifts for me before anyone else. This is a good lesson to learn, and to share with others.

Here we are. Here + now. That's all there is.

Full Moon Musings and the Word "Why"

There was never a frustrated, sad moment of my life where I don't remember sitting down to write as a release. This moment is no different. At this moment, the moon is full and so is the Universe, with the moon's energy. I can feel it. A little too deeply in fact.

I read something tonight that made me think. "We can see the shadow and also hold space for the light. Today we celebrate the creative power of the Thunder Moon. In ancient mythology, Zeus—the king of the gods—was created with thunderbolts. Like Zeus, this is a powerful opportunity to create something incredible with your life—may it be manifesting your dream career, travel, love, family or spiritual awakening. This moon signifies letting go of anything that no longer serves you and creating the life that you want to not only live, but love. Tap into your most creative self, and let the lunar magic fill you."

Let go of anything that no longer serves you. The other night at a small ski area in Tahoe, I sat up at a lodge with some beautiful women and wrote a few things down on a piece of paper. Then I released it. Set it on fire until it burned to bits and then stomped on the ashes. Flame gone. Put out the fire. Have you ever had a release ceremony? Released these things that have plagued me and kept me awake at night into the Universe...and then howled at the moon. For real. Yeah, I know...it's weird. But, it's also freeing.

Slower summer days mean I have more time to think about the "why" behind, well, almost everything.  While in Tahoe, some friends and I were talking about that word, "why"...is "why" actually a good question to ask, after all? Think about it. I did. Every time I've asked "why?" when it comes to a situation I can't control, it has given me an answer that I don't quite understand. Which leaves me unfulfilled and wanting more. Is it because the word is infused with some element of negativity that causes its recipient to answer defensively? I went back into the archives of my brain and thought more deeply about this. What did I realize, and learn through discussion with friends?

When you ask the question, "why?" - as in "Why did you treat me like that?" or "Why did you do that?" - you're expecting the human being on the other end to be in a place where they are true to themselves. That's a lofty expectation, isn't it? Hmmm. Intriguing. I've never thought about it that way. Our expectations are that the recipient of "why?" is actually an enlightened human. That's a lot to take in, huh? You still with me?

-Pause for coffee break. See you shortly. Maybe grab a special gummy while you're at it. Ready?-

Okay, we're back. What if, instead, we were to shift the conversation to a more simple approach and ask "how" and "what" questions? Do you think we'd encounter a difference? We live in a world where humans are not true to themselves, so how can we expect them to be true to others? A friend wrote an insightful post tonight,

"I don't know how to live in a world that is not honest. Where people don't love each other for who they are. Where it's more important to be popular rather than good. Where hate seems to be the norm. I never thought I would say this but I'm so sad at the state of our humanity..." and then she included a quote from Buddhist Pema Chodron,

“If there’s any possibility for enlightenment, it’s right now, not at some future time. Now is the time. What does it take to use the life we already have to make us wiser than more stuck? What is the source of wisdom at a personal, individual level?”

So the question is not "Why are you stuck?" and "Why can't you move forward towards enlightenment?" Rather, it's "How will you move forward?" or "What's holding you back from moving forward?" Ask yourself the question today. What's holding you back from enlightenment? What's keeping you from being human and authentic and caring and kind? What scares you? Not "Why does it scare you?" but rather, "How do I feel about this and what is the root of the fear?" Feels a little different, right? If you are surrounding yourself with humans that encourage you to be stagnant, what does that say about you? And them? Truth is at the center of it all.

Those aren't your people. Forget them. Love them and encourage them, but don't for a second believe they can serve you. Remember what your brother Jack Kerouac said from On the Road?!

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!””

FUCK YES. THAT IS IT, JACK! NAILED IT.

Find the humans who inspire you. The ones who may not be fully enlightened, but encourage you to be your best self. The ones that yawn...well, #WWJD (what would Jack do??)? I'm afraid to release, but it's closing time and after all, "Open all the doors and let you out into the world...You don't have to go home but you can't stay here...Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." Thanks for that, Semisonics.

I don't care about your big house. Or your expensive car. I care about your soul. What your eyes have seen and how they've seen it. The steps your feet have taken. Your heart. The joy and pain you've felt. All of the pretty and ugly things that make you HUMAN.

Shangri la la la la laaaaaa and happy full moon...

Moondust

P.S. And no, I am not currently eating special gummies and I'd encourage you not to as well. Come on, people! Smile at a stranger and get high on life.

Steamy Nights in the Bed of Wayne

Last week I skipped out of Park City for a couple of days to travel to the middle of Utah for a little solitude. My destination was an unlikely one for the time of year: Mystic Hot Springs in Monroe Utah. It was 100 degrees. Hot springs with no cold plunge. I called a converted school bus named the "Ripple Bus" my home for two days. It had no fan. Sweat it out. Detox. All of that good stuff. Mostly, I was looking to spend time with myself. There is a difference between being lonely and being alone. I chose to be alone. Not always an easy choice for an extrovert, but I've learned to appreciate time solo.

The purpose of my journey was to write. I had a goal of writing the prologue and first chapter of my memoir. After all, the topic of solitude is as good of a place as any to begin, right? Clean slate, fresh start.

Two years ago, almost to the day, I moved to Utah. Last year, almost to the day, I returned from a solo journey to India and moved to Park City. As the memories swirl through my mind, I realize that I've experienced a lot. The memories remind me of where I've been and how far I've come, and all that I needed to experience in order to get here where I am today. To feel this. To have achieved what I've achieved. It all seems like worlds away, but it's all been meaningful and purposeful. And, it's been an oddly fascinating journey. I've been the happiest I've ever been, and the saddest I've ever been. I've felt it all. Sometimes, I wish I didn't do that. Sometimes, I wish my mind was more simple. Life would be easier.

It turns out, the 107 degree heat in the Ripple Bus was too hot for both me and my computer - we both overheated. Even so, I was able to assemble some thoughts that could be woven into the start of something. I'd love to share them with you, but I'm going to hold on that for now, until it's more solid. I will share some thoughts from the middle of Utah in a Ripple Bus...

I had drifted off to sleep in the bed of "Wayne" and awoke in a pool of sweat, half-naked in 107 degree temps. FUCK. Unfortunately, it's not as exciting as it may sound. I'm alone, in the back of a decrepit school bus called the "Ripple Bus" - but whose name is really "Wayne" - in a hippie hot springs village in the middle of Utah. I traveled here alone. I had to get away and find solitude in order to focus my thoughts and channel my creativity. "No drugs. No alcohol." the sign leading up to the two pools and seven tubs read. That didn't make sense to me. I was surrounded by absurdities and I loved it. A slew of worn-down pioneer cabins in a field to my right. To my left, a line of school buses - some converted into lodging, some playing home to heaping piles of junk. Up by the main office, an old pink school bus with the words "Le Boustique" in swoopy cursive letters on the top, and an empty pool with a slide and what looked like a sheep-herding wagon fixed to my left...it was all perplexing. On the way to the office, a crystal wand with feathers, a sloth and a monkey adorned the tree next to a bus that said, "I have a dream!" written in white paint on the windows. I wasn't in Park City anymore. Thank God. I had to escape. Park City is the place I squat in the summers, in between travels. It offers up the most superb views, but like a postcard - it can be pretty one-dimensional at times. If you want change, make change. So here I am...to start something I've only dreamed of, conceived of, whatever. Pen on paper, here we go. My story is a story of love, magic, heartbreak, bliss, exploration, new beginnings, misadventures, lessons learned, possibility, frustration, hope, authenticity, poopy pants and beyond. Today I'm 33 - the age of Jesus - and for the first time I feel my age. Maybe that's why I've finally sat down to write and share my story. Or maybe that was the CO gummy worm. Or delirium due to extreme heat. Either way, here I am Let's do this.

And so the journey begins...

Your Three Truths

Most days when I landscape, I listen to podcasts. These moments are some of the best moments for me, where I can shut off my brain from the day to day craziness and focus in on learning something new, completely outside of myself. One of podcasts is called The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. At the end of each podcast, he asks every guest a few questions. Things like, "What are you most grateful for in your life recently?" and "What are your three truths?" This part of the podcast is fascinating to me. I am so intrigued by how different guests answer it. Intrigued by how different we are as humans, yet how eerily connected we are as well. So this morning, I thought I'd take some time to share my answers with you, and give you the opportunity to share your answers, or at least think about what they might be.

What are you most grateful for in your life recently?
The opportunity to find time for myself and turn my focus inward. To move my body, soak in the sunshine, write, play, laugh, travel...and sleep - definitely thankful for sleep.

It's many years from now, and everything you've ever created has been erased from time - all of the books you've written, relationships you've made, businesses you've started. It's your last day. Many, many years from now. And your great granddaughter gives you a piece of paper and a pen and says, 'Can you write down your three truths? The three things that you know to be true from everything you've learned from your life that you want the rest of us to know...what would those be?'

1) People are inherently good.
2) A simple smile and moment of connection can make a big difference in someone's life. Be authentic and share that with others.
3) Truth starts within you. You can not be true with others if you're not true with yourself.

It's kind of simple. But isn't that the way it ought to be? I've said it before, but now I'm actually making it happen...starting to write a chapter for the book and planning to send it off to a prospective publisher.

But for now...time to go outside.

Happy weekend!